I thought I’d kicked this dirty habit of needing to be busy. Yet here I am at 6 am wondering what I should be doing. I’m awake, so I can’t go back to sleep. Lying in bed I feel like I’m wasting this precious time of peace before the telephone begins to ring, the tv is blaring with another Netflix binge session, or the need to respond to social media notifications. I anxiously ask myself, “What should I do,” hoping my intuition comes up with a suitable response. This is my time to go within. However, there is such guilt about it, which surprises me. In the past, I felt guilty for not being more productive. If I had energy and my eyes were open, that meant it was time to work. Entrepreneurs don’t rest, so that meant every waking hour was a time to hustle if I were a true entrepreneur. I’ve long kicked that mindset to the curb for one that allows for self-compassion and self-care. It’s with this refreshed mindset that I’m perplexed as to why I can’t comfortably sit and be still doing absolutely nothing right now. Instead, I feel anxious, and my addiction to being busy has me rethinking my next steps. At first, I try to find a podcast on personal development, but nothing resonated with me. Next idea was to listen to a guided mediation and journal. And then I thought about reading a book to further enlighten yourself on how to be more mindful. That’s when I stopped and questioned , “OMG, are you still addicted to being busy?” Reflecting on how this was even possible, the answer was clear. I had traded the busyness of the entrepreneurial hustle for the busyness of personal development and self-care. And just because it is a healthier habit doesn’t make it any better. Being addicted to being busy no matter the habit, is still an addiction and an unhealthy habit. Signs You’re Addicted to Being Busy You wear your busyness as a badge of honor and pride Constantly feeling exhausted and not having time to slow down Feelings of guilt or anxiety when you aren’t being productive or doing something You’re often thinking about the next thing you need to do and are rarely living in the present Slowing down means you are still doing something like reading a book, watching TV or social media So, now that I’m mindful of my addiction, now what? I challenged myself to simply sit. No book, no meditation, no music, simply me sitting in a room in complete silence. Honestly, before trying to be busy, my intuition was yelling at me to be still and enjoy this time. Instead, I allowed my mind and my addiction to being busy talk me out it. One of my favorite mantras or phrases from Jack Kornfield , a meditation guru, is that when your mind starts to wander during meditation to “simply begin again.” This mantra also applies to those addicted to being busy. When you’re aware of being caught up in being busy, stop without self-judgment, and ‘simply begin again’ as often as you need to do. Self-Care Challenge: Sit in a quiet space, eyes open doing nothing but practicing being still. Use breathing techniques to quiet your mind to the point of stillness. This may be difficult at first, but remember the mantra of ‘simply begin again,’ without judgment. Investigate how spending between 5-30 minutes of stillness makes you feel. When I do this, I like to look out a window and focus on the subtle noises to be fully present. Or I’ll replay a time in my past when I was still, like when I was in Costa Rica and stood in a river focusing on being still and watching the water flow around me. I’d love to hear your feedback, so drop a comment in our Facebook group, women of C olor Travel Therapy .
If a train is coming straight at you, what would you do? You’d quickly get out of the way, duh. So why is it that we refuse to jump out of harm’s way when a train-wreck of a relationship or situation is moving full speed into our lives? My gut says it’s because it doesn’t feel natural to take care of our mental health. Instead of protecting our mental well-being and setting healthy boundaries, this is when we grab our superwoman cape to prepare for whatever will be thrown at us. Why? Because we’ve conditioned ourselves to run towards the drama or pain and not jump out of the way. And then we make excuses for why we can’t focus on our self-care. Do any of these sound familiar: “I don’t have time to slow down for self-care.” “I’m a strong woman of color, I can take on anything just like my ancestors”. “My job/kids/lover/friends need me more, I should put aside my wants and desire” Audre Lorde said it best: “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political welfare.” Y’all, we are at war and it’s not a physical war like World War II! When you feel physically ill thinking about your job or walking into those doors every day, that’s a battlefield. That toxic relationship that you’re not ready to let go of is a battlefield. When you don’t set boundaries for your well-being, that’s another battlefield. Letting fear or other people’s judgment stop you from living the life you desire can be one of the deadliest battlefields. The great news is that you have a choice. To remain on the battlefield and fight or to take off your superwoman cape and start taking care of you. Think about all the things that get in the way of your self-care as a train. Would you still stand there waiting to see what happens?
Have you ever felt tired and overwhelmed as if there’s so much to do and no time for self-care, but somehow you still pushed through it all? That secret push of energy is what motivational speaker Brene Brown calls hitting your “dig deep button.” I spent a lifetime pushing that dig deep button on a weekly basis and at times daily in the name of: Love Family Hustling hard Being a strong Black woman Hitting the dig deep button I thought was my secret superhero power. It allowed me to be everything to everyone, which was how I measured my self-worth. Little did I know after losing five people in one year, including someone who was my everything, my dig deep button had malfunctioned. Thankfully, I have close friends who recognized things were spinning out of my control and spoke up, even though I wasn’t trying to listen. However, when three people all say, “Danielle you can’t see it, but you’re grieving and you need a break,” you have to believe there’s some truth. Yet, as an advocate for self-care, me grieving was laughable. I wasn’t crying and even took extra self-care vacation days in South Africa to be by myself. In my mind I was doing ok. In reality, depression had already kicked in right after I got back from Africa (or before) and I mistook it for a bad case of jet lag mixed with a newfound love for binge-watching Grey’s Anatomy. No longer could I act like I had the “strength” to dig deep and continue to disregard the pain, exhaustion, and lack of self-care needed to get past this moment in my life. So I did the only thing I could do, I hit the pause button on life. Actually, I went hella rogue and slammed my hand down on the pause button on life. For three months, I got off of social media, stopped checking emails or my phone and stayed in destinations great for a life pause. Did I feel guilty for letting go of my responsibilities and leaving my still grieving family behind and ignoring concerned friends? Of course, I felt guilt and shame, but I also knew taking this pause in my life was a solo experience and it wasn’t optional. I needed to make my self-care my number one priority, so I booked a ticket to Bali not sure when I’d return. What happened in Bali, shifted everything in my world.
I thought I’d kicked this dirty habit of needing to be busy. Yet here I am at 6 am wondering what I should be doing. I’m awake, so I can’t go back to sleep. Lying in bed I feel like I’m wasting this precious time of peace before the telephone begins to ring, the tv is blaring with another Netflix binge session, or the need to respond to social media notifications. I anxiously ask myself, “What should I do,” hoping my intuition comes up with a suitable response. This is my time to go within. However, there is such guilt about it, which surprises me. In the past, I felt guilty for not being more productive. If I had energy and my eyes were open, that meant it was time to work. Entrepreneurs don’t rest, so that meant every waking hour was a time to hustle if I were a true entrepreneur. I’ve long kicked that mindset to the curb for one that allows for self-compassion and self-care. It’s with this refreshed mindset that I’m perplexed as to why I can’t comfortably sit and be still doing absolutely nothing right now. Instead, I feel anxious, and my addiction to being busy has me rethinking my next steps. At first, I try to find a podcast on personal development, but nothing resonated with me. Next idea was to listen to a guided mediation and journal. And then I thought about reading a book to further enlighten yourself on how to be more mindful. That’s when I stopped and questioned , “OMG, are you still addicted to being busy?” Reflecting on how this was even possible, the answer was clear. I had traded the busyness of the entrepreneurial hustle for the busyness of personal development and self-care. And just because it is a healthier habit doesn’t make it any better. Being addicted to being busy no matter the habit, is still an addiction and an unhealthy habit. Signs You’re Addicted to Being Busy You wear your busyness as a badge of honor and pride Constantly feeling exhausted and not having time to slow down Feelings of guilt or anxiety when you aren’t being productive or doing something You’re often thinking about the next thing you need to do and are rarely living in the present Slowing down means you are still doing something like reading a book, watching TV or social media So, now that I’m mindful of my addiction, now what? I challenged myself to simply sit. No book, no meditation, no music, simply me sitting in a room in complete silence. Honestly, before trying to be busy, my intuition was yelling at me to be still and enjoy this time. Instead, I allowed my mind and my addiction to being busy talk me out it. One of my favorite mantras or phrases from Jack Kornfield , a meditation guru, is that when your mind starts to wander during meditation to “simply begin again.” This mantra also applies to those addicted to being busy. When you’re aware of being caught up in being busy, stop without self-judgment, and ‘simply begin again’ as often as you need to do. Self-Care Challenge: Sit in a quiet space, eyes open doing nothing but practicing being still. Use breathing techniques to quiet your mind to the point of stillness. This may be difficult at first, but remember the mantra of ‘simply begin again,’ without judgment. Investigate how spending between 5-30 minutes of stillness makes you feel. When I do this, I like to look out a window and focus on the subtle noises to be fully present. Or I’ll replay a time in my past when I was still, like when I was in Costa Rica and stood in a river focusing on being still and watching the water flow around me. I’d love to hear your feedback, so drop a comment in our Facebook group, women of C olor Travel Therapy .
If a train is coming straight at you, what would you do? You’d quickly get out of the way, duh. So why is it that we refuse to jump out of harm’s way when a train-wreck of a relationship or situation is moving full speed into our lives? My gut says it’s because it doesn’t feel natural to take care of our mental health. Instead of protecting our mental well-being and setting healthy boundaries, this is when we grab our superwoman cape to prepare for whatever will be thrown at us. Why? Because we’ve conditioned ourselves to run towards the drama or pain and not jump out of the way. And then we make excuses for why we can’t focus on our self-care. Do any of these sound familiar: “I don’t have time to slow down for self-care.” “I’m a strong woman of color, I can take on anything just like my ancestors”. “My job/kids/lover/friends need me more, I should put aside my wants and desire” Audre Lorde said it best: “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political welfare.” Y’all, we are at war and it’s not a physical war like World War II! When you feel physically ill thinking about your job or walking into those doors every day, that’s a battlefield. That toxic relationship that you’re not ready to let go of is a battlefield. When you don’t set boundaries for your well-being, that’s another battlefield. Letting fear or other people’s judgment stop you from living the life you desire can be one of the deadliest battlefields. The great news is that you have a choice. To remain on the battlefield and fight or to take off your superwoman cape and start taking care of you. Think about all the things that get in the way of your self-care as a train. Would you still stand there waiting to see what happens?
Have you ever felt tired and overwhelmed as if there’s so much to do and no time for self-care, but somehow you still pushed through it all? That secret push of energy is what motivational speaker Brene Brown calls hitting your “dig deep button.” I spent a lifetime pushing that dig deep button on a weekly basis and at times daily in the name of: Love Family Hustling hard Being a strong Black woman Hitting the dig deep button I thought was my secret superhero power. It allowed me to be everything to everyone, which was how I measured my self-worth. Little did I know after losing five people in one year, including someone who was my everything, my dig deep button had malfunctioned. Thankfully, I have close friends who recognized things were spinning out of my control and spoke up, even though I wasn’t trying to listen. However, when three people all say, “Danielle you can’t see it, but you’re grieving and you need a break,” you have to believe there’s some truth. Yet, as an advocate for self-care, me grieving was laughable. I wasn’t crying and even took extra self-care vacation days in South Africa to be by myself. In my mind I was doing ok. In reality, depression had already kicked in right after I got back from Africa (or before) and I mistook it for a bad case of jet lag mixed with a newfound love for binge-watching Grey’s Anatomy. No longer could I act like I had the “strength” to dig deep and continue to disregard the pain, exhaustion, and lack of self-care needed to get past this moment in my life. So I did the only thing I could do, I hit the pause button on life. Actually, I went hella rogue and slammed my hand down on the pause button on life. For three months, I got off of social media, stopped checking emails or my phone and stayed in destinations great for a life pause. Did I feel guilty for letting go of my responsibilities and leaving my still grieving family behind and ignoring concerned friends? Of course, I felt guilt and shame, but I also knew taking this pause in my life was a solo experience and it wasn’t optional. I needed to make my self-care my number one priority, so I booked a ticket to Bali not sure when I’d return. What happened in Bali, shifted everything in my world.
